Banks Turn Up The Heat On Delinquent Borrowers; Begin Employing Methods Normally Reserved To Feds While Billing Victims For Dubious Fees

The Spoof (satirically?) reports:

• Justice Department investigators confirmed today they are considering possible fines and other penalties against several of the United States' largest financial institutions for the murders of hundreds of homeowners delinquent in their mortgage payments.

• The Justice Department responded to complaints from families of recent murder victims claiming to receive billing statements from the deceased's mortgage companies demanding payment for "ammunition services," "break-in and terrorizing administrative charges," and "blood removal and dry cleaning fees," among other charges related to "Mortgage Remediation Services."

• According to a Justice Department spokesman, "The Department is taking these accusations very seriously. While the laws regulating just how aggressive lending companies can act in their efforts to collect a debt are very broad, the actual legality of physically killing individuals behind on their payments is rather vague. Congress and the Courts have consistently ruled that large financial institutions can do whatever they want whenever they want, but, the authority to just kill people for very little reason is a power normally reserved to the federal government."

For more, see Banks Face Hefty Fine for Murdering Delinquent Homeowners.